Twilight: Eclipse (2010)
Great...another bad forbidden romance film that I can tear into. Kristen Stewart, Robert Patterson, Taylor Lautner, and the rest of the forgettable cast returned in the third installment of the Twilight saga that either makes fans' heart throbbed pointlessly...or make anti-Twilight viewers laugh their asses off. If the latter died laughing, I can tell you that the film killed them either because it was too boring or to stupid. Or both.
The Twilight saga continues with Bella rejecting Edward's marriage proposal from the end of the previous film. She is, however, more interested in having him turning her into a vampire...strange because last I've checked, the latter is more permanent. At least you can divorce and get out of a bad marriage if things doesn't work out, but when someone turns you into a blood-sucking monster, there's no turning back. But since Bella has the intelligence level of a broomstick, this comes to no surprise for me. But apparently, Bella is not the only stupid character in this third installment. Take the Cullen family for example. While Victoria (from the first film) is busy building up an army of turned vampires for revenge, the Cullens can't even figure out that it's her when they saw the news reporting dead people. Victoria is their only remaining threat yet they're not smart enough to figure it out that she's the only one who still has a grudge against them for killing her mate? It seems that if you hang around Bella too often, her aura of stupidity will rub off on you, causing your IQ to drop to 50%.
Now sensing that Victoria is still out there along with her personal army of turned-vampires, the Cullens and the wolves decided to form a peace treaty and they take turn guarding Bella. If any one can actually tell me why Bella is so important that she would be able to get two species that hate each other to stop fighting and protect her from being killed, please tell me because after three films, I still can't see what's so darn special about this brainless, selfish broomstick.
"I don't understand what I did to make you hate me so much," said Bella to Rosalie. (You wanna hear my list of 10+ reasons why I hate you and this series so much, Bella?)
"I don't hate you...I just don't particularly like you," replied Rosalie. Girl, I love you for being the only Cullen vampire to have to common sense to be an anti-Bella.
Not only do I like Rosalie, but I particularly was interested in seeing her background story in how she got turned after being sexually abused in the 1920's and was left to die. Other characters with more interesting backgrounds include Jasper who was a Confederate soldier turned in order to train new born vampires and execute them after a year. I do feel sorry for almost all of the Cullen and the wolves for putting themselves in danger just for the sake of one person in this film. However, if I had any pity for Jacob before for falling in love with Bella, it's gone from this film as the portrayal of his character had taken a turn for the worse. Constantly, Jacob insist that she should dump Edward and go with him and that deep down she does love him. Sorry, wolf-boy but she really doesn't love you. She's been stringing you all along and will string you again if you keep insisting. If you really want to win her over, offer to turn her into a werewolf and copulate with her. After all, that's what Edward is offering and she said yes to him. When it comes to love in Twilight, it's all about lust and sex to win over this needy girl. If you only offer your caring heart, Jacob, she'll take it and break it after sucking all the blood out of it. Isn't love beautiful in this series?
Eventually, Victoria and her newborn vampires arrived and a battle between them and the Cullens+wolves pact ensue. After having vampires sparkles, have shadows and reflections, and aren't allergic to garlic...they've decided to have vampires made out of stone, especially when you kill them by snapping their necks off. Why stop there? It gets better because vampires sparkle, have shadows and reflections, have different super powers, are made of stone, and they're flammable. What exactly do their sweat glands produce? Gasoline? At least you've given me idea and a burning desire to kill Edward. In the end, Victoria and her newly turned vampires are killed and the Volturi are the new antagonist because they insisted on killing off the last newly turned vampire, even when the Cullens offered her shelter and protection in return for her surrender.
The film closed with Bella turning down Jacob's offer once again, Bella and Edward setting their wedding date in August, and finding a way to tell Bella's father of their engagement.
After three films, I preferred the 2nd one because this film bored me to death with pointless characters, pointless plots, poor special effects, and pointless romance with little to no improvement in acting and characters' development whatsoever. Although I did enjoy some of the flashbacks of these characters, it ironically made me feel as if I know less and less about Bella, the protagonist of the series, as a character. There were some hilarious moments, the best being Bella breaking her hand by punching Jacob in the face. How I love to see this character suffers. After three films, we don't know anything about Bella nor anything about her past. Like Princess Aurora in Disney's Sleeping Beauty, Bella is nothing more than a spectator in her own film while some of the side characters have more interesting facts. Characters such as Rosalie and Jasper had some interesting flashbacks, leaving me to want more. Instead, I get another long film watching them risking their lives to protect Bella. At this pace, I do not believe we will learn anything about Bella except for the fact that she lusts for Edward and toys around with Jacob's feelings.